Jun 29, 2010

What is your Love Language?

Love is probably the most important word, and also the most confusing word in the English language. Have you ever wondered why your loved one* doesn't seem to understand your care and concern? Or that you don't feel love from your loved one*? (Loved one can be used interchangeably with family member and friend. Love goes beyond BGR :P)

It maybe because you do not understand your love language/ the love language of your loved ones.

Thanks to Salvation Army, I attended the "5 Love Languages Workshop" organised as part of the volunteer appreciation programme by a Family Life Educator.

There are 4 stages of a relationship.
  1. Hi-Bye relationship
  2. Sharing of facts (such as daily events)
  3. Sharing of opinions and views
  4. Sharing of feelings
Due to multiple commitments, it's quite sad to know that actually many families are at stage 2. :(

How do we deepen our relationship? What are the love languages? Here are 5 ways we express love:
  • Words
  • Time
  • Gift
  • Touch
  • Service

Offering words of affirmation. When we tell someone we love them, it is being communicated via 3 ways:
  1. Words (actual words we speak) - 7%
  2. Tone of voice - 38%
  3. Body language (our facial expression, our eyes, etc) - 55%
It's probably no surprise that body language speaks in greater volumes than words and tone alone. Yes, it forms 55% of the communication of the love language "words".

Time refers to both quality and quantity time.

Caution though, it is not giving gifts that you like to give/ receive, but rather giving the gifts that your recipient would like to receive.

This refers to not only physical touch, but also "non-touch" cues, such as looking into the eyes, etc.

Performing acts of service, such as helping your wife in household chores or lending a helping hand to a colleague who is having troubles with the project.

What do you think is the most common love language among men and women respectively?
  • Women- words of affirmation
  • Men- touch

So what's your love language? Take this test to find out your love language.
  1. For each question, circle the "Y" which corresponds to the sentence that you think describes you best. Each question has 2 sentences.
  2. Tabulate the total no. of "Y"s for each column.
  3. The column with the highest score is your primary love language.
Remember, your loved ones may not share the same love language as you, hence the way you express love may not be receptive to them. On the other hand, they are speaking in their love languages, which maybe different from yours. Hence, try to see from their perspective and not dismiss them as being unconcerned about you.

Start sharing your love in the most receptive way! :)